Although I’m 100% sure I’ve mentioned the fact before, for the purposes of completeness let me mention again that I have a son who recently turned six.  He is in his first year of primary education, and has been doing fantastically well.  In particular, he is excelling at reading and writing, desipte the fact that the English language makes ABSOLUTELY NO LOGICAL SENSE WHATSOEVER.

I’d heard people mention before how difficult spelling in English is, but I’ve dismissed them with a wave of my big, arrogant hands.  Spelling is easy.  It’s all just putting the letters the right way round, isn’t it?  How hard can it be?

Recently, I’ve been called on to explain to my son why certain words sound the way they do.  During these discussions I have found myself floundering, dazed and confused, as I attempt to explain why “light” may sound the same as “bite”, but are spelled differently.

The fact of the matter is, though, I have no idea.  Why does “ight” make the same sound as “ite”?  Why does it need an extra E for it to make the same sound in the word “height”, but not in “sight” or “might”?  Why do we also spell the word “might” as “mite”?

It gets worse when we start discussing the letter A.  I mean “wall”?  That’s an O sound in the middle, surely?  As in “gangster’s moll”?  Add “pl” to the middle of “Ape” and it becomes “Apple”, complete with an entirely different sound at the start.

Then there’s the “ee” sound, which can also be produced using “ea” and “ie”.  And, of course, the “oo” sound – different but the same in “pool” and “pull”.  Let’s not forget, though, that the letter combination “oo” can also make an “oh” sound – as in “door”, or a hard “U” sound, as in “blood”.  When spelling the word “mud”, however, the traditional letter “U” should be used in order to make the exact same sound as the “oo” in “blood”.

Confused?  It just gets worse.  “Time” sounds like “rhyme” which sounds not unlike “climb”.  Can you “vote” on a “boat”?  If I “die” will you ”cry”?  Is there “foam” in your “home”?

Sorry, I (eye) don’t quite know (no) where (wear) I was going with those questions.  The complexity of the English language must have temporarily addled my mind (mined).  My apologies (apologee–  Actually, forget that one).

Anyway, despite the ludicrous nature of English spelling, my young ‘un seems to be grasping it, even if he does have to settle for the answer “look, just because, okay?” when he asks me to explain the finer nuances of it all.