Yesterday, while browsing the aisles of one of the many branches of Tesco supermarket in Inverness, I was handed this leaflet, promoting cut price cooked chickens:

Which is fair enough if you’re into that sort of thing.  I’m not going to get into the whole free range vs intensively reared debate, or how anyone can possibly sell a chicken – cooked or otherwise – for just two pounds.

What I want to discuss instead is the ‘person’ who handed me the flyer.  It is them I had the real issue with.  Take a look at the following photo and see if you can guess why …

Of all the dirty, backstabbing traitors!  I mean, way to sell out your own species, you big yellow sicko.  What kind of payment did you receive for urging we humans to consume the flesh of your brethren?  All the corn you can eat?  Or did they merely agree to spare your life in return for your eternal soul?  I hope the agonising screams of a thousand dying hens haunts you every time you close your eyes.

Personally speaking, I’d have got a fox to hand out the leaflets.  That would have made some semblance of sense.  That said, though, a fox would most likely want to keep all the chickens for itself.  Maybe a rabbit or squirrel.  Something neutral.  A tortoise.

The Ninja Turtles!  That’s what I would have done.  Had the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles handing out flyers while performing acrobatic martial arts moves.  That would have made more sense.

Curse you, big yellow chicken.  Your treachery shall cost you dear.