BarryHutchison

There I am, earlier today, playing a quiz machine in a well known family restaurant chain while we await our main course. I’m playing the game with my eight-year-old son, Kyle, but of course I mean I’m pressing the buttons the nanosecond I know the answer, while he sits patiently by, hoping to get a chance to contribute in some way.

Anyway, we’re motoring on fine, one question away from winning five shiny £1 coins. It’s a tense moment, but – thank the gods – an Entertainment question comes up. I’m good at Entertainment category questions. Actually, I’m only good at Entertainment category questions, so this is a good sign of some riches to come.

Up comes the question:

Q. Which actor did NOT appear in the 1972 movie ‘Sleuth’?

And the three possible answers:

1) Michael Caine

2) Roger Moore

3) Laurence Olivier

I’m excited. I know Michael Caine was definitely in it, and I have a Try Again left, so even if I guess wrong the first time, I can choose the other answer I know, by default, must be right.

I’m so confident, in fact, that I choose 3) Laurence Olivier, even though I’ve got a hazy memory of him being in the film (which I saw, once, when I was twelve). Sure enough, the screen flashes red, and I’m told to Try Again.

My finger moves up the screen and hovers over 2) Roger Moore. Just as I am about to press it, though, a woman at the fruit machine next to me leans in and says, “It’s Michael Caine.”

“No,” I reply, pointing to the question. “It’s which actor was NOT in Sleuth.”

“Yeah,” she says, nodding encouragingly. “Michael Caine.”

From the corner of my eye I see question time limit ticking down. “Michael Caine was in it,” I say. Suddenly, I’m not sure, though. Suddenly, I’m doubting myself. “Michael Caine was in Sleuth, wasn’t he?”

“He was in the remake, not the first one.”

Tick, tick, tick.

She’s right, he was in the remake, but he was in the original, too, I’m sure of it.

Only I’m not sure any more. And there are three seconds left. Panicking, I jab a thumb against 1) Michael Caine. The screen flashes red. GAME OVER fills the monitor.

I look over to the woman on my left. She nods.

“See?” she says, and then returns to her fruit machine as if nothing had happened.

I frickin’ knew it was Roger Moore, as well.