BarryHutchison.com

I think it has now more or less been decided that my official author photo is the one below. You can click the image to make it larger, though why you would want to do such a thing is beyond me.

You talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to ME?

I hate getting my photograph taken. It makes me feel uncomfortable to the point I lose all control of my facial muscles. I also get so stressed out I gain half a stone in weight in the time it takes for the shutter to snap shut. At least, I think that’s why I always have a big balloon face in pictures. Then again, maybe it’s just time I stopped eating cakes for breakfast.

The photo above I would classify as “the best of a bad bunch”. Actually, the phrase “bad bunch” doesn’t do the other pictures justice, but there’s no such saying as “the best of a hideously deformed and somewhat unsettling bunch”. This is one of only three pictures in which I didn’t look like I’d been whanged in the face with a shovel just before the camera went click.

I don’t know why it is, but whenever I’m getting my photo taken some change comes over me that I’m helpless to prevent. I try to do the whole “relaxed smile” thing, but for some reason I always come out blinking, or sneering, or looking like I’m suffering a brain aneurysm before the photographer’s horrified eyes. I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a photogenic person.

You know what the worst thing about not being photogenic? My fellow unphotogenic will know exactly what I mean here. When you see a photo of yourself looking particularly mongy and messed up – maybe you’ve got one eye shut and some drool on your chin, or maybe you’re inexplicably playing a tuba – whatever it is that’s wrong, it’s enough to make you fall to your knees and cry “oh for god’s sake, noooo!”

And that’s the moment when it happens. That’s the moment some friend or loved one says:  ”What? I thought it was quite a good one of you!”.

THAT’S A GOOD ONE OF ME??!

Don’t these people realise what they’re doing to we, the unphotogenic? Don’t they realise how their thoughtless comments hurt us so?

A word of advice, if you’re ever with anyone who looks at a photo of themselves and goes “oh, for god’s sake, nooo!” do not tell them the triple-chinned, hunchbacked monstrosity depicted in the image is a better than average photographic representation of them. Under no circumstances should you reveal that the wretched mockery of a human being in that picture is them on a good day. Don’t do it. That’s the kind of thing a person never gets over. Ever.

Instead just nod your head, suck air in sharply through your teeth and say, ”I know, you don’t look anything like that in real life”. They’ll thank you for it. Trust me.

In this video blog I talk about what the best part about being an author is, and answer the question on everyone’s lips – what is my favourite kind of cheese?

I’ve been following the saga of bookshop chain, Borders, for the past year or so. During that time it seems to have lurched from one crisis to another, and now – according to this article on theBookseller.com – the end could be dangerously close for the troubled store.

Now I am and always will be a fierce supporter of independent bookshops, but the death of any place that supplies books to readers is a tragedy, whether the supplier be a small, family-run shop, or a vast chain of megastores. To me, the book is the important thing, and how those books are supplied is a secondary – if still important – consideration.

Yes, in an ideal world all books would be bought and sold at a thriving network of local, indie bookshops. Every town would have its own shop, staffed by book lovers who could make honest, personal recommendations, and who knew their products better than anyone.

But it’s not an ideal world. I live nearly 100 miles from my nearest indie bookshop, and 50 miles from my nearest chain bookstore – a Waterstone’s. I have a small WH Smith with a tiny book section in my town, but that – aside from an excellent little second-hand bookshop – is it.

While I’d love to have an independently run store near me to be loyal to, I don’t, so my choices are buying online, or making a 100 mile round trip to purchase a book. Most of the time I’ll buy online, but whenever I visit the closest city to me, Inverness – about 70 miles away – the Waterstone’s and Borders shops will always be my first port of call. I’ll always come away with at least one book. Usually I’ll leave with several.

Both shops are staffed by some of the most helpful and knowledgeable bookshop staff I’ve ever met, and I can be sure of getting great service when I walk into either one. To think that one of these shops may soon be a thing of the past is an unhappy thought, and I for one will miss Borders if it goes.

Of course, the demise of Borders (if it does actually happen) may well provide a massive boost for indie bookshops across the country, which is no bad thing. But for me, and tens of thousands like me who have limited or no access to other bookshops, the death of Borders will be a sad day indeed, and will lead to even more book spending being done online instead of on the High Street.

I’m in the middle of planning out some future video blogs (although I use the word “planning” in its loosest possible sense) and I thought it’d be good to get some questions from readers of this ‘ere blog, which I could answer in the videos.

So, if there’s something you’ve always wanted to ask an author (well, this author in particular) now’s your chance. It can be about the process of writing, getting published, finding ideas, creating character, etc, or it can be something completely different. Maybe you want to know what my favourite book or character is, or maybe your question is completely unrelated to the business of reading and writing.

It might be that you want to know if both my feet are exactly the same size, or what foods I like, or where I’d like to go on holiday. Maybe you’d like to ask me which of the muppets I reckon I could take in a straight fight.

Whatever the question, ask it here in the comments and I’ll do my best to answer it in an upcoming video blog.

I wanted to do another video blog, but had no idea what I was going to do it about up until I started the camera rolling, so it’s a bit random and disjointed. Sorry. I promise for the next one I’ll think about what I want to say before I open my mouth to speak. You can actually see the mild panic on my face at 0.05 when I make the decision about what to talk about. You’ll also notice the next 10 – 15 seconds are spent hurriedly trying to think about what the hell I’m going to say. It’s all downhill from there.

But anyway, apologies for the rambling nature of the video. There’s a point in there somewhere, but I’m damned if I know what it is.