BarryHutchison

I’m writing a short story for possible inclusion in a new anthology at the moment.  It’s a gritty, realistic piece, about two boys in inner city Glasgow, and touches on various ‘grown-up’ subjects.  One of these is drugs.

Now, never having been involved in drugs myself, I’m having to do a lot of reading up.  I’m learning a lot of things I didn’t know.  Through it all, one thought keeps striking me.  Maybe it’s my age or something, but I can’t help but feel that drugs don’t sound as good as soup.

So, in order to prove this point, here’s 10 Reasons Why Soup is Better than Drugs

1.  Soup comes in a wide range of flavours.

2.  You can buy soup in most supermarkets, and many corner shops.

3.  No matter how much soup you consume, the Russian Mafia will not take an interest.

4. The second container of soup you buy is unlikely to be thirty times more expensive than the first.

5.  It is rare for dog-worming tablets or washing powder to be used to ‘pad-out’ soup.

6.  When you have soup, you can be reasonably confident it has never been hidden up someone’s bum.

7.  Bringing soup into Singapore does not carry the risk of being shot dead on sight.

8.  Soup won’t cause you to dance around like a mental patient.  Unless it’s too hot, obviously.  Even then, you’re unlikely to keep dancing for eighteen hours straight.

9.  There’s a reason The Verve never released a single called “The Soup Don’t Work”.  It’s because soup does work, consistently and without fail.

10.  You can’t dunk bread in cocaine.

So, for anyone thinking of dabbling in drugs, I hope this has helped convince you otherwise.  Go grab yourself a bowl of Chicken Noodle or Carrot and Coriander instead.  You’ll feel better for it in the long run.  And probably the short run, too.