Evil, thy name is BT

Apologies for the long gap between posts, but I am still without anything resembling a proper internet connection.

The previous occupier of the new house in Wexford had his phone line supplied by Eircom, the Big Daddy of Irish phone companies. They manage the entire telephone network, much like British Telecom does back in Ol’ Blighty.

Despite never having been a big supporter of their service, or their cack-handed customer support, we’ve decided to have our phone line provided by BT’s Irish division, which they’ve imaginatively dubbed ‘BT Ireland’.

In theory, it’s simple. BT tell Eircom they’re taking over the line, Eircom say ‘right you are then’ and the job’s done. That’s what the BT Ireland website says. That’s what the BT Sales Department says.

That’s not, in fact, what happens. What happens is more along the lines of…

ME: I’d like to order a line please.
BT: OKAY! It’ll be up and running in three days!
ME: Great!

BT: Hello, Eircom? We’d like to take over Barry’s line please.
EIRCOM: Ah. Would you now?
BT: Yes please!
EIRCOM: Well you’re out of luck. It’ll take us five days to cancel the existing line. Five working days, mind. Call us back then.
BT: But, don’t you just click a button to–?
EIRCOM: FIVE WORKING DAYS!!

ME: Hello, BT? It’s been three days and I’ve got no phone line.
BT: Oh yes, we meant to call you about that, but we forgot. You’ll need to wait another two days for the line to be cancelled before we can start.
ME: But, it’s already cancelled. There’s no dial tone.
BT: Yes, but it’s not PROPERLY cancelled. It’s just a bit cancelled. So when we said three days, what we should have said was eight days. Or twelve, if you count the fact there’s two weekends in the way.
ME: Oh. But–
BT: Byeeeee!

ME: Hello? BT? It’s been twelve days.
BT: Ah, yes. Sorry, we forgot to call you again, but, you know, the Olympics is on an’ that. Eircom have said no.
ME: What? What do you mean?
BT: They’ve said the exchange is full.
ME: So … what does that mean?
BT: I have no idea. Maybe they’ll have to build a new exchange or something.
ME: How long will that take?
BT: How long will what take?
ME: Building a new exchange.
BT: Pfffffff. Dunno. Byeeee!

ME: Hello? Eircom? Why have you rejected my order?
EIRCOM: We haven’t rejected your order. We said ‘okay then’.
ME: BT told me the exchange was full.
EIRCOM: BT are filthy rotten LIARS, who must be destroyed!!
ME: I agree.

ME: BT? Eircom didn’t say no at all.
BT: Sorry, we’re all out, probably killing handicapped children or something for a laugh. Try again later.

So that’s more or less what’s happened so far. I went out today and took out a 12 month contract on an O2 mobile broadband package, but it’s agonisingly slow, so that’ll be going back to the shop sharpish. I’m on a 28k modem dial-up speed at the minute, and am rapidly losing the will to live.

Anyway, got some exciting news to share, but not going to do it tonight. I’ll fill you in tomorrow. It’s worth the wait, though, trust me.