BarryHutchison.com

On Friday morning, we ran out of bread.

It’s not the most interesting start to a story, but it’s the only one which is factually correct, so we’re stuck with it.

On Friday morning, we ran out of bread, and so I jumped in the car and zoomed down towards my local supermarket.

Or, at least, I tried to zoom.  I live on a one way street, at the end of which is a junction with another one way street.  Upon turning this corner I was confronted by the back end of a foreign registered camper van, which was stopped in the middle of the road.

Being a patient sort, I waited a few minutes for the van to shift.  It didn’t, and so I gave it a quick blast of my horn, just to alert it to the fact I was there.

It still didn’t move.

I gave it another couple of minutes – by which time a queue of traffic was forming behind me – then gave it several blasts of the horn, letting the driver know my patience was wearing dangerously thin.

Four or five minutes later and I’d had enough.  I threw open the car door, tore off my seatbelt, and stormed off towards the camper van.  As I walked I threw the two workmen in the van behind me a look which said “See how macho and assertive I am!”, because I always suspect workmen are much more macho and assertive than me.

I was practically rolling up my sleeves as I thundered over to the driver’s side of the camper van.  They were going to get a piece of my mind!  They were going to see what happened to people who stopped me buying bread!  Two paramedics were loading a dead body into an ambulance right in front of the van!

I caught the look of disgust on the camper van driver’s face, just before I about-turned and scurried back to my car, shame oozing from every pore.  I didn’t dare meet the gaze of the workmen stopped behind me.  Did they know?  Were they aware of the fact I’d spent several minutes blasting my horn, as paramedics worked in vain to save a dying pensioner?

Christ, I’d even shouted “get a move on” at one point!  Had they heard me?  Had the grieving relatives of the recently deceased heard my impatient shouts?  Had the departing soul itself heard my shouts, as it floated off towards whatever afterlife it believed in?

Needless to say, I sat in the queue of traffic without making another cheep.  Five or six minutes later, the ambulance pulled away, and I made it to the supermarket, laden with guilt.

Got the bread though, so that’s the main thing.

Today is a significant day.  Look, it even says it in the title of this post.  “Today,” it says, “is a significant day!”  Note the exclamation mark for emphasis. If I could use italics in the title I would, because today isn’t just a significant day, it’s a significant day.

What is it about this day that’s so significant?  What is it that sets is apart from those days of lesser importance on either side?  Put simply, it’s this:

I quit my job.

Unless you’re doing fabulously well, writing for children isn’t going to make you rich.  There are perhaps a handful of children’s authors each year who find themselves able to live on their earnings from writing alone.  I, alas, am not one of them, largely due to my debauched and excessive social life, which alone costs me upwards of sixty or seventy pounds a year.  Or twenty, if you don’t count DVD rentals.

While I have in the past managed to live almost comfortably on various writing earnings, for the last year I have been working with my local Environmental Health office, helping keep the world a safe place for all you good folks out there.  It’s been without question the best ‘proper job’ I’ve ever had, and I’ll be sorry to leave.  But leave I shall, because if you’ll remember:

I quit my job.

Why the resignation?  It’s because my family and I are upping sticks and moving to the Republic of Ireland in the summer.  In a complete and utter leap of faith we’re relocating to an area we’ve never been to, to live in a town we’ve never heard of, and mingle with people we’ve never met.  Adventure has a new name, and that name is Barry-and-family-are-moving-to-Ireland. 

I never said it was a catchy name.

We don’t have jobs in place over there.  We don’t even currently have anywhere to live.  All we’ve got are some slim savings, a lot of cardboard boxes, and matching expressions of determination on our faces.  Hopefully that’ll be enough to get us set up in a foreign country.  Okay, not that foreign, but technically it is, even if they do speak the same language, shop in Tesco, and drive on the correct side of the road.

So that’s that.  We’re moving in early August, so we have about six weeks to dismantle our lives in Scotland, then reassemble them in Ireland.  I’m toying with the idea of taking on an entirely new persona when I arrive there – perhaps a cynical private eye type, or an over-zealous French chef – but I’ll decide that nearer the time.

So now you see why today is a significant day.  It should not pass without celebration.  Check back later, when I’ll have found something suitably celebratory to post.

Today I received my feedback from Egmont on the first draft of the top secret project I’m writing for them. I’m happy to report that there’s very little needing changing – just some house style stuff, really (for example, I’ve used ‘onto’ where their house style prefers ‘on to’). Nothing major to change, which is a relief. I usually spend the two weeks after handing in a first draft panicking they’re going to phone me up going ‘What the HELL is this?!’. Mercifully this wasn’t the case.

This time.

Two quick things to mention – firstly, I got myself a new video camera today. As a reward for spending obscene amounts of money on their site, eBay sent me a PayPal voucher to the tune of one hundred lovely quids. I bought a camera with it, which with postage came to a total of one hundred and one pound fifty. So all in all it cost me £1.50. Bargain.

I also ordered a book off Amazon. Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud. It’s a very informative book on the theory and history of comics, and isn’t nearly as dull or geeky as it sounds.

Okay, it’s quite geeky. But not dull. Trust me.

Oh, and finally – a guy who writes for Doctor Who, Marvel Comics AND adapts Iain Banks books for radio? I think I just found my new hero.

Right now I’m in the middle of putting together a submission for Image Comics, along with a very talented artist bloke from the US.

Image are the third biggest comic book publisher in the world (after Marvel and DC), but uniquely allow creators to hold onto their characters, rather than signing them over before publication. This means all rights to the characters I create will stay with me, unlike if I was to sign with DC or Marvel.

The main character of my mini-series is a private detective called Dan Green, who later assumes the nickname “Gangrene”, which is also the series title. Here’s the start of the synopsis, which will give you some idea of the concept:

Two weeks ago, private investigator Dan Green clawed his way free from a shallow grave. With his body and neck scarred by deep stab wounds, Dan was amazed to still be alive.

A few hours later, he discovered he wasn’t. A mysterious man-made virus had brought Dan back from beyond the grave, trapping his fully working intellect inside the rotting body of a murdered corpse.

Now Dan must take on his last case, and race to rescue a kidnapped child, before his body decomposes once and for all.

So that’s the general idea behind it all. As a special treat – and since I’ve been so evasive about what I’m currently working on for Egmont – I’m making the first 7 pages of the script for issue 1 available here. Just click the link below to download. You’ll need Adobe Reader to be able to view it.

Gangrene Script Pages